Born. Raised. Remained.
Photography by Kimarie Martin Photography
When a racist image appeared at the Bexley Middle School on the first day of Black History Month, it fractured the community with different opinions about what should be done, who’s at fault, who’s accountable. It took bravery from a child to call out the pain. And it will take all of us to be willing to examine our own roles in creating change, because one consistent message was that the racism displayed that day is but one instance of an ongoing problem. What may seem invisible most days to some is an underlying everyday thing to others, and has seemingly always been so.
That’s why we asked Sam Marcellino and Shane Roberts to share their stories with us. Not too long ago, Sam and Shane experienced racism as students in the Bexley school system. Yet, they chose to move back here to raise their own families.
// We chose to present this article as a first-person narrative of actual events, by printing Sam's and Shane's own words as-is. As it was for us, it may be uncomfortable for our residents to read their words, to see them printed in our magazine. It's because of this uneasiness that we felt it important not to censor something that actually happened and continues to occur to Black members of our community. We understand that our younger readers may not be ready for some aspects of this content. For that reason, we are providing this note so that you may take precautions before giving access to those readers in your household. We strive to bring you meaningful stories. Most are for entertainment and others address aspects of our community that we need to work on, together. This is one of those stories. //
Sam’s Story
My story in Bexley starts about five days before my freshman year of high school in 2001. My family moved to Columbus from a suburb of Boston to join a family business. My family chose to live in Bexley because we had family here, and the schools were exceptional.
I remember the day we moved here, getting off the plane, unpacking my soccer gear, and heading to practice just a few hours later. This ended up being great, as I was able to meet a few people before the first day of school. That being said, it was still very difficult starting at Bexley as a freshman.
The main theme of my high school experience was simply trying to fit in. In general, Bexley is insular and tight knit, and a lot of what I wanted to do was fit in. Now, this may not seem different from many high school experiences, but doing so in Bexley adds an extra element… the predominance of generational families.
Many of my classmates had been going to school together since preschool. Many of those students had family members who also went to preschool together in Bexley. The generational aspect of our community is what made some of “breaking into” Bexley difficult. For example, if you upset one person, it can have a much larger impact, given the connections throughout the community.
A lot of fitting in is deciding what to get mad about and what to let slide. When a white kid would say the word nigger around me, but it wasn't at me, I had to make a pretty quick choice. Do I get mad and risk isolating myself from a group of friends who has known each other since preschool? Or do I let it slide and hope that as time goes on they will mature? While I know the answer as a 35-year-old, it wasn't as clear cut when simply trying to make friends as a 14-year-old.
I was first called a nigger in third grade while still living in Boston. While I didn't have a full understanding, I knew enough that it deserved a fight. However, when I moved to Bexley and was called a Shvartzah while playing basketball. I didn't know what it meant until later. In the interest of not making waves, I just let it slide.
The slurs I heard in Bexley did affect my feelings about coming back. When I graduated high school, I never thought I would move back to Bexley. However, after graduating law school, I wanted to be back in Columbus, as my mother’s health wasn’t great and my father was older.
My rationale for moving back to Bexley was similar to what brought me here – family and good schools. I have always wanted a family, and I knew if I was going to raise them in Columbus, it was going to be in Bexley. After making that decision, I convinced my amazing wife, Brittany, to move to Bexley, and now we have an almost 2-year-old daughter named Francesca (Cranky Frankie when she's in a bad mood.)
From the time I left until now, Bexley has improved a significant amount. There’s more diversity now, and it’s more progressive than other communities. There’s nowhere else in Ohio I feel my family would be more welcome. Plus, I already know the history and I knew what I’d be getting into.
Obviously, given my decision to run for City Council in 2021, I have high hopes for Bexley. However, the core hope is that Bexley continues to improve, and it is a place that my daughter and her classmates will want to come back to. Bexley is by no means perfect, but it has something many other communities lack – a true desire to be the best. The tireless hours put in by Mayor Kessler. The countless community groups that volunteer so much time towards their passions. The continued support of our schools by community members who don’t even have children in the district. It is all done to be the best, which separates Bexley from anywhere else in Ohio.
Bexley has improved so much since 2001, but it still has a long way to go. When I moved to Bexley in 2001, there were few resources for new residents and students. It was kind of a sink-or-swim environment. Now, there are so many opportunities and resources for families to utilize. When I was in high school, there were no event to welcome new residents. There was no Main Event. There was no Bexley Minority Parent Association. My parents were both White and I was adopted—I’m sure they would have loved an organization to help them with ideas to raise a Black child in Bexley. We now have that.
When I was younger, I didn’t feel I had representation outside of my home, not to say teachers were bad or my friends weren’t nice, but there was no Black City Council member, School Board member, and I don’t recall a Black police officer (let alone Chief of Police). I didn’t see myself in many areas where you need that diversity to ensure certain interests are represented when decisions are being made. It's so important for our children to see themselves in community leaders, and I think over the past decade, Bexley has made great strides to improve this representation.
The biggest thing we can do as neighbors is be there for each other. When I was in high school and wasn’t doing too well, Shane Roberts lived two doors down. He always checked on me. He was always there. It wasn’t much, but that’s the point. Even just a "How are you doing?" from someone a child looks up to can change their week. Shane may not realize the impact he had, but I do remember those conversations. Taking that small amount of time to check in on people, especially minorities – it makes a difference.
There are so many ways someone can choose to hate someone. Whether it be the color of their skin, their religion, their sexuality, the list goes on. It is our job as a community to outpace hate and find even more ways to support the victims. This will not be the last time Bexley deals with hate, but with continued attention to these issues, we will see long term improvement.
I say all this not to drag Bexley through the mud, but reality is reality, and everyone has their own. I live here because I love Bexley. You don't have to love every single thing about something to love it. Moreover, love takes effort. Bexley separates itself from other communities because it has a true desire to improve and learn from its previous issues. Not every community can say that. Many of my neighbors love Bexley, and as long as we continue to put in the effort, we will make it a place all children want to come back to.
Shane’s Story
To my understanding, my parents moved to Bexley for the schools. They didn’t like the fact that I would be bussed out of the neighborhood in my earlier district. I felt like I was behind academically all through school. Catching up was hard and the things that kept me invested were sports. I wasn’t the greatest athlete but I loved competing with my friends & neighbors. I caught some flack from time to time about being black but not being dominant. I may or may not have had a coach or two that expected more from me in athletics because I am black. Through that, though, I had great experiences on the field, court, diamond, and track.
Back in the late 80’s and through the mid 90’s you could ride your bike to any school playground and find a GOOD pickup basketball game. Courts used to be full of awesome talent from around the area. OSU basketball players would drive over to play. But then the courts started to become a problem for the community. In one of the community newspapers there was an article talking about the problems on the courts and the picture for the article had quite a few, if not all, black kids and adults playing hoops. I think that was my first exposure to how some in the community might view me.
We didn’t have the issues in the hallways that you might find now. Don’t get me wrong, we knew kids who didn’t like us or might have racist tendencies but we didn’t see it openly. I can say without a doubt that I did not face racism from any of my peers while at school in Bexley. However, my first athletic contest for Bexley in 7th grade football the word nigger was carved into the top of my dad's car at another school. He stopped our bus on the way out and made me get off the bus to look at it. To say he was mad would be an understatement.
From September of 1990 until 2015 I heard the word nigger in every game or contest I had competed or coached in. My dad’s hope when I was a kid was that I would be better than him. He said that was his father’s hope for him and that was his hope for me. I navigate in love. I am larger than most and don’t resemble most people in my circle, size, shape, or color. I am different than most around me, but I move in love. I can get pushed out of that place of love but what good comes from hate or anger? My experiences have shown me that not much good comes from the darkness of hate or anger.
Most people don’t believe that I am my mother's son. My mom is a saint. She is small where I am large. She is light where I am dark. She is gentle when I can be a bull in a china shop. But I have learned so much from watching her navigate this world. She is always kind. She gives the benefit of the doubt even when I have run out of that ability. She helps all that are in need and that’s what I am working to do. Growing up wasn’t always easy being a child of a mixed relationship but I always had love at home. Sometimes tough love. But always love. I love my parents for that.
In the 90’s I had a good experience at Bexley. I have coached here since 1997. We thought my son Austin would have a good experience here too. I wanted to be close to the kids that I work with. Kids need to see that adults outside of their family care about them too. That’s hard to say since I consider everyone I work with family. But kids need to feel the love. For a long time, I equated what I felt in the school building and those I work with as the community. I know that the community is far larger than my small group of people but if we can all reach someone then we are doing something right.
At some point our youth will lead us to a sense of belonging. Racism is learned. We are not born with it. I have had opportunities to coach other places but this is home. I walked the same halls and ran the same streets. I have jumped some of the same hurdles on the track and I played in the same gyms. We have some younger folks in the community trying to bring us together. But until we all let go of our biases we will forever be stuck in this circle of hate that leads to fear, that leads to anger, that leads to confusion that then leads back to hate. Then, that circle continues. I ask the kids I coach to be better when they leave than when they arrive. Find something that you did well today. Find something that you are good at. Find your love. My love is people and coaching. We all must find our love for people. We are all here. We all chose Bexley. Let’s all make it better here! How do we do that? I am not sure, but I am going to keep moving with purpose. My purpose is to help the next generation be great.